i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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