I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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