her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
