would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
