It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
