Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize