Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
