Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
