SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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