this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize