Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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