somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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