You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
