I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
