Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
