I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
