FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
