Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
