I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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