Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
