3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
