happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
