you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
