dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
