A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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