Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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