Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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