lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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