hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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