I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
