dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
