was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
