I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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