Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
