I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
