you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
