I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
