dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
