i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
