Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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