I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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