i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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