Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
