my vag is so smooth its legendary
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
