i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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