Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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