Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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