No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
