I must be too annoying 4 u.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
