Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
