...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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