you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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