Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
