She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
