that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
