He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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