I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
