your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
