so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just cut my nipple shaving
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How does one acquire holy water?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
