Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
