i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
