so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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