what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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