If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
