I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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