my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
