god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
