I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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