So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize