We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think people are normalizing furries
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
