Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
