K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
