he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
