just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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