Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
