You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
