I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
