I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i out mim tonsoeep
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